Pressing On

It's gone!  No more freakish growth under my skin. No more recoiling at touching said growth. No more port for toxic chemicals to enter my body. I am so relieved and happy.  The stitches are still disgusting but knowing there is nothing underneath them to gross me out is thrilling. Let me start off the recounting of the removal "procedure" by saying that doctors lie. I'm not sure they do it intentionally, but they lie like rugs. Remember all the happy drugs they said I could have? Lie, lie, lie. So I did my best to remain calm on our very long trip over to this hospital, but I was feeling pretty tense by the time I was sitting in the waiting room in my attractive blue dressing gown.  I'm ashamed that these "procedures" make me such a nervous wreck.  It's really unacceptable and unreasonable, but I have not mastered it yet and no amount of prayer or positive thinking or going to my happy place seems to help. Nevertheless I was confident that relie...

My last chemotherapy appointment!  DONE!  That's me in the middle not looking as thrilled as I actually was : )   I was SO SO SO thrilled and even more so because two of my favourite people came by to celebrate with me. AND... while I was sitting there I got even better news!  I get my port out on March 9th!  I do have to make a trip to the Big City to get it out, but I'm choosing to focus on the OUT part not the Odyssey of ferry, traffic and travel part.  : )

Well, this was supposed to be a celebratory post declaring my exit out of the chemo program!  And I am still exiting, just not until Monday. Wouldn't you know it, one last re-scheduling of my Herceptin appointment!  Because administering Herceptin is quick and easy (no expected reactions and an hour of "chair time") it makes it a simple appointment for the over-capacity chemo room folks to shuffle around.  I think nearly every single one one of my appointments has been moved to a new time or date since last summer, so I shouldn't be surprised.  I begged politely that they not postpone this appointment any further, but that I'd take any cancellation available! They were very sympathetic and apologetic, they totally get it : ) Another glitch in the tying up of loose ends as I finish my chemo treatment is the removal of my porta-cath  through which the chemo meds have been administered.  If you've been reading here for a long time you'll know that I had a h...

AKA - What I Ate Wednesday Yes, I know it's Thursday, BUT! I just came across this on a recipe blog I was on and I thought, wow, if I had a record of what I've eaten every Wednesday for the last 6 years, my Wednesdays now would be unrecognizable from my Wednesdays past! Let's see, PAST: peanut butter and jam on bread several cups of coffee with cream and 2 tsp of sugar a muffin for a snack grilled cheese for lunch with Campbell's veg. soup (with high-fructose corn syrup) an apple and cheese for a snack Mac and cheese or spaghetti, since we had to leave for activities quickly cereal before bed. PRESENT (yesterday): blueberries, apple, walnuts and greek yoghurt  Organic Earl Grey tea (cream flavour) 2 squares of 90% dark chocolate homemade taco soup (low carb, no preservatives, dairy etc.), corn chips cashews and raisins for a snack organic coffee with cream stuffed pesto/veggie squash with brown rice a few hazelnuts before bed I...

So, I need NONE of these anymore - not even the elevator - I always take the stairs.  I went for my LAST echocardiogram at noon today!  YEYEYEY! I've had to go for either a MUGA test or an echocardiography every three months for the last year, plus a bonus one because I failed the first one ; ) (see my snake venom post), in order to be eligible to receive the Herceptin medication I need.  So I am more than ready to be done with both radioactive injections and the ultrasound machine poking around my torso. It was quite busy at the hospital today so there were several people in the waiting room.  I felt quite comfortable there because there were folks of all ages waiting there with me. It didn't take long before  realized that all the people my age were actually waiting for parents or grandparents to finish their test! Weird. Aaaannnyway, I'm done there - hopefully till I'm a senior myself. Now onward to my LAST CHEMO in a couple of weeks...

Know what this is?  This is my LAST chemo appointment card.  Today I went for my third to last chemo appointment.  Next time it will my second to last, and February 17, 2016 will be the last time I check into the chemo room, sit that big blue chair, get plugged into some sketchy dripping drug, and make small talk with the nurses.  I can't believe it, the end is in sight some 14 months after I first walked through those chemo doors! Lord willing. Of course "last" can be a relative sort of word.  I'm choosing to think of it as "LAST EVER", but only God knows if it's the last of 2016 or the first last of many or...   but anyway, this ''last" is clearly in sight for now! I've set my sights on 2020.  If I am healthily ringing in the New Year of 2020, I will have made it to that magic "five year" mark (which I realize is not a guarantee, just a milestone).  I will be considered a "survival event" ; )  I will be in ...

This is the view I much prefer, with the lovely oak tree out the window.  I got my favourite chair in the chemo room last week for my Herceptin treatment.  It really is a pleasant looking room, don't you think? It's particularly nice in the late afternoon when the sun is shining.  Still I wouldn't be too disappointed if I never saw it again.  I hope nobody reading this has to see it either.  It's actually getting harder to go back there. Before it seemed like I was always there all the time but now, with substantial breaks in between, I find I'm letting my guard down and going back is an increasingly jarring experience. Thankfully my devoted husband has been driving me in the last few trips. I feel like such a wimp!  I mean I CAN go in by myself, but I'd sure rather not...

Not a great view, but a view none-the-less. I was in the "overflow" at the Chemo Clinic today which means no windows, but I sat next to a lovely lady on nearly the same treatment plan as I, but farther down the road by a few months, so we had lots to chat about.  It was also only about 50 minutes or so, so not so bad. Despite the fact that it's a short appointment and there are no real side effects to the medication, I always feel wiped out after.  I'm sure part of it is the hour drive to get there and the rest is the experience of being at the Clinic at all. Somehow it's always a little stressful even when they aren't doing stressful things to me... But I have 3 weeks off now!!  Yey!

Monday was a fun day. I finally got a tattoo! I know, I know, you didn't even know I wanted one did you? Well, truth be told I didn't actually want one on Monday as much as I did say... 25 years ago (which I'm glad I didn't get, 'cause the place I wanted that blue dolphin just doesn't look the same anymore).  It was all part of my pre-radiotherapy treatment. Now that I'm finished with the chemo and only on a Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks (which I heard in Europe is given by injection now instead of intravenous - which would be about 30 minutes faster than the 30 minutes it takes to get the intravenous version) I'm moving on to the radiation phase of my treatment plan.  Monday involved meeting with my very nice Radiologist and having a planning CT scan. Unfortunately during my appointment with my Radiologist I had a coughing fit, you know the kind where your eyes run, your nose runs and, in my case, my painted on eyelashes ran down my face, I could...

Another beautiful day in our neighbourhood today [skip the next line if you still have snow].  A balmy 22 degrees Celsius in town this afternoon.  It feels like summer's on it's way!  It also feels like I should be feeling all better! I'm learning patience I guess.  Because 11 days ago was my "last chemo treatment", my mind was all set to be feeling great, having a full head of hair and a set of eyelashes the next day.  I realize this is totally illogical but my body clock was so read to move on to a different phase that it absolutely hasn't accepted the fact that I still have potent chemicals running though my body killing hair cells amongst other things. My brain has moved on but my body hasn't.  I feel frustrated that I don't feel great, and my fingertips are numb and my whole self is achy.  I even feel frustrated that I feel so frustrated because, as stated, it's completely illogical. I am moving on to the next treatment phase tomorrow thou...

Ok, so this is a little bit how I felt on Wednesday when I went in for my LAST chemo treatment: No, this isn't me ; ), just one of my beautiful children, captured by my very talented father-in-law's camera.  It was a day that I've been looking forward to since November when they laid out the plan for me.  Yes, I still have to go back every 3 weeks for Herceptin, but that is not officially "chemotherapy", and the side effects are basically none. So I felt a bit giddy before, after, and during the 5 hours I was there!  The nurses are all wonderful and made sure to congratulate me on my last one; but as with all things cancer, the good news is always tempered.  We were reminded that there were many, many people there that won't have a last chemo session, or rather when they do, it won't be because they are better. Sigh. It just takes the wind out of me.  No matter what, we each only have this very day in which to be thankful, not tomorrow. But t...

Here's a picture I tried to post a while ago but technical difficulties won.  This comes out of my daughter's Abeka Science 7 book (sorry about the glare): Outside of just being a really cool picture, why does this matter to you? Well, one way your Killer T cells are activated is by exercise! Hence, one key factor in fighting cancer is exercise, the more the better.  That's what I keep reading anyway. This picture of what my body is naturally created to do is a great visual to get me off the couch. I visualize Killer T-cells flooding my body cleaning out cancer and other junk as I go for my walk.  Apparently it doesn't have to be crazy hard exercise, just getting up and moving your body is the idea. If you want to get motivated to move around in more creative and interesting ways you might want to check out this blog I enjoy called  Katy Says  .  She's a biomechanist with lots to say about our "diseases of captivity".  She does not have furnitu...

Well I'm almost a week post-treatment and I've managed ok.  I've felt crummy, but not terrible. My spirits are a little low.  I think where it's getting me is just staying home too much. I'm just not going anywhere, seeing anything, seeing anybody. I don't feel quite up to being out, but the (teeny) social butterfly in me is suffering for it. I'm really NOT a socialite, but for my own good I need to not sequester myself at home as much as enjoy it. For example I didn't make it to church on Sunday because I thought I might get there and be too tired  to drive home, thus the prudent decision was not to go. Unfortunately that meant I didn't get to see my wonderful church family and be encouraged by their love and care nor be a support to them, which is equally if not more important. I hate being bogged down by my own "stuff" all the time, it just gets really old really quick. It is good to bear one another's burdens. Being a homebo...

Well, I can't believe I am actually out of time.  I've been sitting one of these aqua blue chemo lounge chairs for almost 6 hours, and I've run out of time to write a blog!  Poor time management on my part, and I LIKE to manage my time. Actually I've been trying to get my phone to email my computer pictures for this blog, then I could post more often, since what I think of to write is often spurred by a picture.  You should see the cool picture I have in store, if I can ever get it to where it needs to be. As afore mentioned, I am not very techy. Nurse Veronica called this morning when we were 1/2 way here to let me know I was good to go for my treatment today.  Good thing!  I have done super well (thanks for prayers!) no allergic reactions.  Not so for the guy next to me (again! different guy though).  He's been having a rough time of it and is now off to spend the night in the hospital so they can keep an eye on him.  Unfortunately they ha...

Well, I've been enjoying my "normal" life so much, I haven't posted.  That's a good thing. I have felt pretty great! I didn't realize how pretty lousy I was feeling before : ) I was all geared up to go in today for my 6th treatment - it was going to be the loooong day of 6hrs.  I'd gone to see the Doc and had my blood drawn in the morning. We'd made plans for the kids and I'd spent the 2nd half of Tuesday lesson planning for independent learning and eating.  I was just about finished entering all the lessons into my online planner when Jennifer the Nurse called to say I just wasn't up to par and couldn't come for my appointment.  My white blood cell count was down - it hadn't picked up since my last treatment (remember the celebratory post about the end of Neupogen shots? I guess they were really doing their job!). She could clearly hear how disappointed I was and was trying to be encouraging. I really was disappointed! In fact I wa...

What a Blissful day. A satisfying, frustrating, joyful, busy, productive, boring - normal - day.  Today felt almost like I never had cancer.   It rained outside, I hate the rain.  I was tired after staying up too late, I hate homeschooling tired (everybody hates me homeschooling tired).  School started off chaotically, chaos sucks the life out of me. And yet I was only feeling "regular" tired not chemo tired, I didn't have to go out in the rain that I hate, and the chaos didn't come from managing calls from the cancer clinic or racing out to Dr.'s appointments, it was only too many kiddos doing too many tests at once... Bliss! The Bliss also stems from this wonderful window I'm in of 18 days FREE of any treatment or appointment. I have not had 18 days in a row free of medical intervention since August. It seems like I just won a vacation!  And to feel almost normal today was just the capstone : ) NO, no, WAIT!  The capstone was that this was the 2nd day...

Well, I continue on, recovering from my treatment last Thursday.  I feel much better on this medication than the AC of the last four treatments. Next to no nausea, which is a great change! The paclitaxel causes more muscle cramps and weird nerve reactions as far as I can tell. I feel more like I have the flu than anything else. Very manageable, if not pleasant. I have been cooped up a lot though, not quite able to make it out, sitting around, not sure what to do with myself. I should be researching radiation treatments and Tamoxifen and that sort of thing but, yuck.  My mind wanders to a few months from now when I'll not be so weighed down with chemo effects and rather I'll be left to wonder if and when and where the cancer will come back. I've read that the brand of cancer cell I have likes to particularly travel to the brain. Hmmm.  No prophylactic surgery for that one. It doesn't mean it will travel there, the odds are in my favour, but still. The odds are not the ...

So here I sit in my comfy teal lounge chair near the window where a mossy, knarled, ancient oak tree shields us from the windows of the next building.  Yes! You guessed! It must be the chemo room at the Cancer Clinic! Most of the lounge chairs around me are filled with people dozing, doing crosswords, reading or chatting. There's a 20 something guy and an 80 something guy and some guys in between.  A couple ladies here have funky, super short haircuts that make them look pretty hip. They have obviously finished their hair-losing treatments and are on the road back. It makes me wonder what their hair looked like before they started all this. It's interesting to see familiar faces. For example, the fellow next to me yesterday was back today for his last treatment.  So encouraging, hopefully it's his last forever.  I saw something else familiar today.  For the ladies: have you ever shown up to an event in the same dress as someone else? Well I haven't, but I no...

What is this you ask??  It's the end of 32 "dates" with my husband.  For the dose dense chemotherapy I've been on for the last 8 weeks, each round has required 8 injections of a white blood cell booster called Neupogen. Not injected by a nurse, mind you, but by my dear hubby (well, I could have done it myself, but... no.) He was such trooper!  He hated it possibly more than I did, so that's REALLY a lot. I am forever indebted to him :)  I just hope I never have to return the favour.   What a great night it was last night.  Our last "date", as we euphemistically called them. Next Friday will be even better when we don't have to crack a new box and stare down 8 more dates!   YEY YEY YEY! 

AN ODE TO MY WIG (with help from a daughter) If you have hair  You may not care what I have to say of a wig. But if you are bald You may be called To pay extra attention - give a fig! With my hair gone And the wig on Most say they cannot tell, It is a fact  And surprising that My new hair is an easy sell. Showers are short I'm glad to report, No washing/conditioning for me! I'm sleeping more, Headed out the door With my blow dryer buried deep. I just pop on my style With a knowing smile, It looks the same everyday! Why would I go back  To the style I lacked When my hair was my own, no way! Ok, well I probably will go back to my own hair (just because it's' weird not to) but, seriously, this is the best hair I've every had! And I absolutely hate the whole hair styling thing. Not to mention I never have to cut or colour this...  So what if it feels like a hat? Nothing feels worse on your head than a b...