Pressing On

Just got one more all clear from the doc!  "An almost boring exam" she said. I LOVE  being boring. What sweeter words could one hear? How about - "Your 5 year mammogram is great - go home!"   That's what I'm looking for come September. I was extra anxious to get this last exam out of the way this week because that meant I could book my next exam 6 months from now, which meant that my doctor could order my annual mammogram for September, which meant that, Lord willing, I could have a 5 year "all clear" by the time my 50th birthday rolls around in October. Phew! Of course I'm working on the presumption that I will still be disease-free in six months, but since I don't want to think of the alternative, I might as well make plans, right? I'm thinking trip. Somewhere warm. With people I love. A celebration of milestones! There are a couple of other people who are having various milestones this year with whom I'd like to celeb...

So, bit of a scare. What does a person with a history of cancer do when she finds a lump on her neck? FREAK-OUT.  What does her doctor do? ALSO FREAK-OUT.  (That's because I have the best doctor in the world.) A couple of weeks ago I found a pea sized lump on the back of my neck. I think that would have freaked me out anyway, since I've never noticed anything like that before. Suffice it to say, I had an X-ray, an ultrasound, bloodwork, and a call into my oncologist within the week. In hindsight, maybe a bit of overkill. The thing's all but gone now. None-the-less, it's good to have the all-clear again. Nothing showed up anywhere - except for arthritis in my sternoclavicular joint.  Yeah, weird. I wondered why I had this ever-disfiguring bone protrusion on my décolleté, which had already been ruled out as any kind of tumour. I don't wonder about very many things hard enough to get myself to a doctor's office, unless they appear to be life or death, so I just...

Long time no post!  And for good reason, I'm sure you will agree.  It just so happened that I went for my Oncology appointment on the 17th of May, not sure what to expect - perhaps another round of tests? At the beginning of this whole adventure they had suggested maybe another CT Scan in a year or so, so I was steeling myself for news of that ilk. NOT TO BE!  Instead of handing me a card full of appointments, my Dr. shook my hand and said these words: "This is likely behind you." What? Pardon? I asked him to repeat it and told him I didn't take his words lightly.  I told him how I'd hung on his comment: "With treatment you have an 80% chance of living to be an old lady," and "Likely behind you," ranked right up there in the same category of words from a deity.  I've been quite disabused of considering Dr.'s some form of God, but still, they have their moments. Apparently my family Dr. is quite capable of filling my needs from th...

It's gone!  No more freakish growth under my skin. No more recoiling at touching said growth. No more port for toxic chemicals to enter my body. I am so relieved and happy.  The stitches are still disgusting but knowing there is nothing underneath them to gross me out is thrilling. Let me start off the recounting of the removal "procedure" by saying that doctors lie. I'm not sure they do it intentionally, but they lie like rugs. Remember all the happy drugs they said I could have? Lie, lie, lie. So I did my best to remain calm on our very long trip over to this hospital, but I was feeling pretty tense by the time I was sitting in the waiting room in my attractive blue dressing gown.  I'm ashamed that these "procedures" make me such a nervous wreck.  It's really unacceptable and unreasonable, but I have not mastered it yet and no amount of prayer or positive thinking or going to my happy place seems to help. Nevertheless I was confident that relie...

My last chemotherapy appointment!  DONE!  That's me in the middle not looking as thrilled as I actually was : )   I was SO SO SO thrilled and even more so because two of my favourite people came by to celebrate with me. AND... while I was sitting there I got even better news!  I get my port out on March 9th!  I do have to make a trip to the Big City to get it out, but I'm choosing to focus on the OUT part not the Odyssey of ferry, traffic and travel part.  : )

Well, this was supposed to be a celebratory post declaring my exit out of the chemo program!  And I am still exiting, just not until Monday. Wouldn't you know it, one last re-scheduling of my Herceptin appointment!  Because administering Herceptin is quick and easy (no expected reactions and an hour of "chair time") it makes it a simple appointment for the over-capacity chemo room folks to shuffle around.  I think nearly every single one one of my appointments has been moved to a new time or date since last summer, so I shouldn't be surprised.  I begged politely that they not postpone this appointment any further, but that I'd take any cancellation available! They were very sympathetic and apologetic, they totally get it : ) Another glitch in the tying up of loose ends as I finish my chemo treatment is the removal of my porta-cath  through which the chemo meds have been administered.  If you've been reading here for a long time you'll know that I had a h...

Know what this is?  This is my LAST chemo appointment card.  Today I went for my third to last chemo appointment.  Next time it will my second to last, and February 17, 2016 will be the last time I check into the chemo room, sit that big blue chair, get plugged into some sketchy dripping drug, and make small talk with the nurses.  I can't believe it, the end is in sight some 14 months after I first walked through those chemo doors! Lord willing. Of course "last" can be a relative sort of word.  I'm choosing to think of it as "LAST EVER", but only God knows if it's the last of 2016 or the first last of many or...   but anyway, this ''last" is clearly in sight for now! I've set my sights on 2020.  If I am healthily ringing in the New Year of 2020, I will have made it to that magic "five year" mark (which I realize is not a guarantee, just a milestone).  I will be considered a "survival event" ; )  I will be in ...

This was the sight that greeted those who had to visit the Cancer Clinic today.  The picture does not do it justice in the least, the whole place had a lovely fall theme, provided, I understand, by the receptionist there who must have a LOT of storage at her disposal.  She does something wonderful for every season.  I know that because I have now been a guest there during every season of the year! My visit today confirmed that it has been a year since my surgery - I thought it must be something like that but I didn't have the wherewithal to look it up myself in my old planner. I mean, I didn't care THAT much to celebrate the anniversary. I also found out something else today that I suspected but didn't know for sure.  I'm considered a Stage 2A cancer patient, with a Grade 3 tumour.  This sounds really dumb, but based on what the surgeon had told me waaaay back I had supposed Stage 2 cancer but somehow the oncologist did not actually say those words an...

Not a great view, but a view none-the-less. I was in the "overflow" at the Chemo Clinic today which means no windows, but I sat next to a lovely lady on nearly the same treatment plan as I, but farther down the road by a few months, so we had lots to chat about.  It was also only about 50 minutes or so, so not so bad. Despite the fact that it's a short appointment and there are no real side effects to the medication, I always feel wiped out after.  I'm sure part of it is the hour drive to get there and the rest is the experience of being at the Clinic at all. Somehow it's always a little stressful even when they aren't doing stressful things to me... But I have 3 weeks off now!!  Yey!

Enough said : )

It was a beautiful day in the Cancer Clinic neighbourhood yesterday as I went in for my Herceptin treatment.   I was really not looking forward to going in (duh!)  It's almost as if these intermittent appointments are harder because in between I can almost forget about cancer.  (Unless I look in the mirror - ghastly - more about that later). Then all of a sudden I'm back in the world of the big C and it's a bit of downer. At least I wasn't there long, only an hour-ish, but I would really prefer to ignore it all and just do summer. They like me there though, and the reason I know that is that every time I go to leave they hand me a little card telling me when I should come back and see them!  This card has about 6 more visits listed on it,  about which I felt quite overwhelmed.  They must really like me a lot.  The appointments span out until the end of September though, so it's not sooooo daunting. I can say that looking in the mirror is VERY daunt...

Good grief, it's been a month since I posted? That's a good sign.  That means that life is carrying on as usual and I'm not consumed with all things cancer.  As of today I've ordered all my school stuff for next year. I've been working in the garden, I've organized some of our overabundance of "stuff" and spent some time just hanging out with family. It's been wonderful. I've even spent some time just sweating in summertime heat - which is AWESOME!  Anyone that knows me knows I like it WARM. As long as things are continuing on well I don't plan to update here very often - at least regarding my cancer journey.  I just don't want to think about it. I might come here to talk about school or faith or something else, but I'm not letting cancer take any more of my life than it has unless I have to. Next Tuesday I have a Herceptin treatment. My 30 minute intravenous visit with the fabulous nurses at the Clinic. My next heart test is Au...

I never thought last June that "I'm finished radiation" would be in my vocabulary; but it is! 20 radiation appointments  - check. 20 - 3hr round trips into town - check. 20 changes into 2 blue hospital gowns - check. 20 encounters with the fabulous radiology staff at the Clinic - check. Now I await an appointment with my Radiologist on July 29 "to see if it worked".  I'm not sure how they tell if it worked.  I didn't even know they could tell until 3:13 this afternoon when the nurse let me in on the next step in this odyssey.  I'll let you know. In the meantime I await the results of my MUGA (left ventrical heart scan) yesterday, to see if I can continue my Herceptin treatments.  I expect to get a call for an appointment with my Oncologist for Tuesday next week as they've pre-booked my Herceptin appointment for Weds. and he has to give me the go-ahead. I hope I get it. Although the few treatments I've had are helpful, more would be b...

No, not the car. As if I would have one to spare. Unless I lost my license in it.   Venom as in, from the snake: The other day I discovered that in addition to the health giving benefits <insert sarcasm> of radiation,  I'm being treated with... cobra venom!  Yes, you read it rightly. As far as I can ascertain the "naja naja" on my heart tincture refers to... cobra venom.  Despite the fact that I've had all manner of poisons pumped into me, I must admit that this took me by surprise.  After assuring myself that I was not experiencing paralysis, dizziness or vomiting I found a number of reputable places that detailed the vascular benefits of small amounts of venom as well as it's use as a pain reliever.  It may even become more mainstream, so watch out! So, well, hard to follow up "cobra venom". Let's just say that if this doesn't get my heart pumping, I don't know what will.  It seemed to pumping pretty well as I was reading u...

No offense to bag ladies, but I never thought I'd be one!   A radiation bag lady that is. If you look to the right at the very bottom you will see my "bag" with my name and a sunshine with a cross inside it on it. My bag looks nice and new.  Some of those bags look pretty worn... They have a very slick system at the radiation department.  When you walk in for your first appointment they hand you a paper bag, a sharpie and 2 blue hospital gowns. Those are your 2 gowns (one to wear backwards and one to wear frontwards, thank you very much) for the duration of your treatment to save on laundry, and the bag is where you keep them and also where you store your clothes whilst you are wearing said blue gowns. The other nifty thing is that you don't have to check in each time, you just chuck your appointment card in the tray when you come for your appointment, grab your bag, get changed and they come and get you when it's your turn.  Very efficient.  ...

We were away on a little vacation, no time to post : )  I'd like to post about that vacation if I get the chance, it was so crazy.  But in the mean time I'll just do a little update of the facts lately. After I got set up for my radiation treatments, my next appointment a week later was with my main oncologist whom I see every 3 months for the next year, as they monitor my heart and other things. That was the plan anyway, but plans change I guess. With the new medication I'm on I need a MUGA  (multi gated acquisition) scan every 3 months which measures the pumping capability of the left heart ventricle, because Herceptin can be hard on the heart. So I had my MUGA scan the day before I saw the radiologist and never thought a thing of it as I had been more or less assured that due to my age and condition, it should be fine. That being the case I was shocked to hear that my heart function was down below the acceptable treatment level. Meaning we have to postpone treatment ...

Monday was a fun day. I finally got a tattoo! I know, I know, you didn't even know I wanted one did you? Well, truth be told I didn't actually want one on Monday as much as I did say... 25 years ago (which I'm glad I didn't get, 'cause the place I wanted that blue dolphin just doesn't look the same anymore).  It was all part of my pre-radiotherapy treatment. Now that I'm finished with the chemo and only on a Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks (which I heard in Europe is given by injection now instead of intravenous - which would be about 30 minutes faster than the 30 minutes it takes to get the intravenous version) I'm moving on to the radiation phase of my treatment plan.  Monday involved meeting with my very nice Radiologist and having a planning CT scan. Unfortunately during my appointment with my Radiologist I had a coughing fit, you know the kind where your eyes run, your nose runs and, in my case, my painted on eyelashes ran down my face, I could...

Another beautiful day in our neighbourhood today [skip the next line if you still have snow].  A balmy 22 degrees Celsius in town this afternoon.  It feels like summer's on it's way!  It also feels like I should be feeling all better! I'm learning patience I guess.  Because 11 days ago was my "last chemo treatment", my mind was all set to be feeling great, having a full head of hair and a set of eyelashes the next day.  I realize this is totally illogical but my body clock was so read to move on to a different phase that it absolutely hasn't accepted the fact that I still have potent chemicals running though my body killing hair cells amongst other things. My brain has moved on but my body hasn't.  I feel frustrated that I don't feel great, and my fingertips are numb and my whole self is achy.  I even feel frustrated that I feel so frustrated because, as stated, it's completely illogical. I am moving on to the next treatment phase tomorrow thou...

Ok, so this is a little bit how I felt on Wednesday when I went in for my LAST chemo treatment: No, this isn't me ; ), just one of my beautiful children, captured by my very talented father-in-law's camera.  It was a day that I've been looking forward to since November when they laid out the plan for me.  Yes, I still have to go back every 3 weeks for Herceptin, but that is not officially "chemotherapy", and the side effects are basically none. So I felt a bit giddy before, after, and during the 5 hours I was there!  The nurses are all wonderful and made sure to congratulate me on my last one; but as with all things cancer, the good news is always tempered.  We were reminded that there were many, many people there that won't have a last chemo session, or rather when they do, it won't be because they are better. Sigh. It just takes the wind out of me.  No matter what, we each only have this very day in which to be thankful, not tomorrow. But t...

In contrast to last week, it's a beautiful spring day here in my neighbourhood. My sincere apologies to those on the east coast still in the midst of winter. I truly do feel guilty, I do!  The maple tree is blooming outside my window, the tulips on my porch are ruby and amethyst, and the deer can't find them there, so they should last awhile. Last week, in comparison, was dreary in every sense of the word. So much rain and grey it seemed to me. It was a grey week spirit-wise as I heard bad news about 3 different ladies struggling with cancer. All younger than me, similar cancers, one of them, a beautiful mom of 4, Kara Tippetts, gone now. Even Angelina Jolie, with all her news-making pre-emptive surgery, found some cancer markers in her blood and opted for even more surgery to cut out the places where the cancer might want to live. Very dreary indeed. But back to spring. It's a beautiful, dry day, my school term reports are nearly done, I have plans this afternoon and e...