This is a post I actually planned to make in September - but school hit! I must remember this year that September - December is a write-off as far as spare times goes! It seems ridiculous to be soooo busy that there is NO time to do anything that requires thought or reflection or a moment of solitude for months on end... but that is a post for another time ;)
Back in September I had a moment that's still on my mind 5 months later and I thought immediately that it deserved some attention in the places I try to record these things. I cut my finger. Bad, worse than I thought at the time. I think I should have gone in for stitches but of course I didn't because, well, who has time for that? So I bandaged it up, then bandaged it again, and then again and it REALLY hurt, the bathroom was spinning. Then I was sitting on my bed thinking "I can't stand this! It hurts too much! What am I going to do? Can this possibly be this bad?" I was considering going into Emergency 30 minutes away - but I thought it might hurt more to have the Dr. poke at it and I'm a wimp. I didn't pray for healing because it was too bad, too much to ask. I had a miserable, tossing, throbbing sleep. What could God have for me in this? I was really curious.
The next day it hurt LIKE CRAZY, I had to change the bandage more times. Did I mention the bathroom was spinning? I had to sit down on the toilet lid mid-bandage. I walked around with my finger above shoulder all day so it would throb and bleed less. It was a terrible day. That night the pain was no better, I thought again about going to the hospital. I spilled to the Lord how much I didn't want to go, apologized for being so pathetic, begged for healing and wisdom and had another terrible night. What was happening here? Why do I need a finger injury with 4 young kids and a new school year? What was God doing?
The next morning I knew things were better. The throbbing was gone, the bleeding through was gone, it just felt better! I gingerly removed the bandage, the bathroom spun again, but it was healing! Praise God. I happen to think it was a bit of a miracle but what was all this about? What was God doing? Why?
Waiting in the car for our family to get on the road to town that evening I had a revelation. I doubt I can put it into words but the peace that swept over me was tangible.
"It's ok".
Whatever comes is ok. This was an extremely small trial but it came with a purpose. It included me continuing to put God in his rightful spot: BIGGER than EVERYTHING. He knew, he'd planned that slip of the knife before time here on earth began, he gave me that gift of pain so for one thing I could see that I'm growing. Not once did I cry "poor me!" as I would have once, but from the first I was intensely interested to see what in the world, or out of this world, this could all be about. I remember thinking WHAT PEACE if every trial big or small I could embrace as the perfect will of the almighty God who has planned for me more than I can think or imagine. Fear, depression, anxiety, every condition that causes me to shrink before the future would evaporate before his almightyness.
I'm so glad for my pathetic kitchen skills and my over-sharp knife and for my God who continues to reach down and care enough to teach and discipline a selfish and wayward child. There's that verse again:
Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. James 1:10
Back in September I had a moment that's still on my mind 5 months later and I thought immediately that it deserved some attention in the places I try to record these things. I cut my finger. Bad, worse than I thought at the time. I think I should have gone in for stitches but of course I didn't because, well, who has time for that? So I bandaged it up, then bandaged it again, and then again and it REALLY hurt, the bathroom was spinning. Then I was sitting on my bed thinking "I can't stand this! It hurts too much! What am I going to do? Can this possibly be this bad?" I was considering going into Emergency 30 minutes away - but I thought it might hurt more to have the Dr. poke at it and I'm a wimp. I didn't pray for healing because it was too bad, too much to ask. I had a miserable, tossing, throbbing sleep. What could God have for me in this? I was really curious.
The next day it hurt LIKE CRAZY, I had to change the bandage more times. Did I mention the bathroom was spinning? I had to sit down on the toilet lid mid-bandage. I walked around with my finger above shoulder all day so it would throb and bleed less. It was a terrible day. That night the pain was no better, I thought again about going to the hospital. I spilled to the Lord how much I didn't want to go, apologized for being so pathetic, begged for healing and wisdom and had another terrible night. What was happening here? Why do I need a finger injury with 4 young kids and a new school year? What was God doing?
The next morning I knew things were better. The throbbing was gone, the bleeding through was gone, it just felt better! I gingerly removed the bandage, the bathroom spun again, but it was healing! Praise God. I happen to think it was a bit of a miracle but what was all this about? What was God doing? Why?
Waiting in the car for our family to get on the road to town that evening I had a revelation. I doubt I can put it into words but the peace that swept over me was tangible.
"It's ok".
Whatever comes is ok. This was an extremely small trial but it came with a purpose. It included me continuing to put God in his rightful spot: BIGGER than EVERYTHING. He knew, he'd planned that slip of the knife before time here on earth began, he gave me that gift of pain so for one thing I could see that I'm growing. Not once did I cry "poor me!" as I would have once, but from the first I was intensely interested to see what in the world, or out of this world, this could all be about. I remember thinking WHAT PEACE if every trial big or small I could embrace as the perfect will of the almighty God who has planned for me more than I can think or imagine. Fear, depression, anxiety, every condition that causes me to shrink before the future would evaporate before his almightyness.
I'm so glad for my pathetic kitchen skills and my over-sharp knife and for my God who continues to reach down and care enough to teach and discipline a selfish and wayward child. There's that verse again:
Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. James 1:10
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