The Shock of My Life.

I've had quite the shake up since I last posted. My mom, whom we just moved in with in our new home, passed away on June 5. It was as sudden as it could possibly be for someone 80 years old in seemingly fine health. It has been a HUGE shock. I'm sure I do not even believe it yet. She had a headache, went for a nap, never got up again. You haven't lived until you've seen a member of your family rolled out of your house in a body bag.

My mom was not your reticent sweet old lady; she was energetic and opinionated, a hard worker, a snappy dresser, a great hostess to anyone that crossed her path, unbelievably tidy. You always knew when she was around. She loved her grandchildren more than anything and was was so happy to finally be living with them. She kept saying that's all she really wanted. I'm glad she was living part of the life she wanted finally.

It's been unbelievably hard to stay in this house, it's hard to do all the things that have to be done, it's just really hard. I feel like I'm living some imagination that I've let go on too long since I've imagined how this would happen for decades. I'm glad it's July already, I can't wait for it to be next July. I want the time to pass and to be past all this even though I know that is not a terrifically sound way to look at things. I feel like I just want it all behind me and to carry on with my life. I want to go back "home", back to my old house with the yellow paint, my old friends, familiar scenes, familiar stores, familiar faces. I love where we've moved but I want to do it some other time right now I need some nice cozy chicken soup familiarity. My God is familiar though! Oh that is the good thing. His promises are there, as familiar as ever but made new by a new perspective where they present themselves more meaningfully. Thank God for his Word that never passes away. His goodness, His justness, His mercy. Mercies that are new every morning but His mercy the same as it has been since the beginning of time. Sometimes I think I would be a raving lunatic if God hadn't promised so much and been so faithful. That is why I love the old testament - to see through the pages of history God's promises to nations and individuals worked out.

Above all I am grieved that I don't know if my mom was truly a believer in Jesus Christ. I cannot dwell on it. There is nothing I can do now, and I did what I could while there was still time. But God IS just. That is a fact. He knows and cares for every sparrow that dies. He knows and cares for my mom (and for you too!) and people do not go to hell by accident. It is not God's nature to want any to perish, no one is without excuse to know God, we will receive our rewards or lack there-of for what we did in the body while here on earth. There is justice in eternity - which terrifies me, personally.

That is all I can say tonight.

Consider Eternity.

My Mom: 1928 - 2009